Houston Astros 2004 Season Preview

by Paul Wysard

Y'all gather round now, 'cuz Ah can't wait to talk with you 'bout this upcoming season.  We gonna make a full run at all them titles, with that ballpark rootin' and our ol' train tootin'.

We were bustin' our buttons when Mr. Drayton McLane went out and signed Andy Pettite for less than them Yankees was willing to pay.  Any time you can pick up a 20-game winner like that, with all them playoff wins and experiences, well, you're walkin' in high cotton.  An' then ol' Clemens signed on with us, so now we got both hometown boys here, and the whole thing is like suckin' the chrome off a trailer hitch.

But that ain't all.  We already had Roy Oswalt, with his great stuff givin' us 10 wins last year, 'spite his leg problem.  That's s'posed to be all healed, and they're lettin' him be the man on Opening Day.  And we got Wade Miller.  Ah know, Ah know... his ERA was a little high compared to previous, but he had to carry all the water, and now he's got a lotta help.  The young lefty Robertson showed flashes, but it looks like Tim Redding, 10-14 with a much better ERA, will be in the 5th slot.

Lotsa folks had their tails over the fence when Billy Wagner left, but Ah'll bet they'll calm down after Octavio Dotel gets in the groove as closer.  We gonna miss 'lil Billy, but Dotel's got a bull-whip arm and had a nice chunk of seasonin' as a set-up guy.

Ah do love our battin' lineup, led off by Craig Biggio.  How much longer can that dog hunt?  Dunno, but he still scored 102 runs last year, and didya know that research fella, that Bill James, rated Biggio as one of the top offensive players of the past 10 years?  We gotta go with that 'til it's broke.  After Biggio, we got Lance Berkman, a .300 switch hitter and Jeff Kent, who has more power at 2nd than anyone 'cept maybe the Soriano kid.  Now, Jeff Bagwell is gettin' long of tooth and he's lost weight and some say he's been rode too hard, but put him in a pennant race and Ah know he'll ante up 100 RBI.  In the 5th and 6th slots, we got 25-homer guys whose averages are improving --- rightfielder Richard Hidalgo and third baseman Morgan Ensberg. The bottom of our order is for defensive specialists, catcher Brad Ausmus, one of them Ivy Leaguers, and shortstop Adam Everett, a great fielder.  At .240 or .250 they ain't murderers' row, but they hit enough that they ain't meadow muffins, either.

The bench needs some help.  Infielder Jose Vizcaino and outfielder Orlando Palmeiro are on the far side of 35, and those old horses are about to be put away wet. Right now, we can't match the Cubs and the Cardinals in the reserve rodeo.

Ah say it's between us and Chicago --- one wins, the other takes the Wild Card. This time, we ain't gonna be all hat and no cattle!