CHICAGO CUBS--Ken Devoe

Last year, I suggested that the Cubs' mantra going into the 2000 season should be; "Hey, we're not that bad!" I was right. They weren't that bad -- they were worse, losing 97 games, for back to back seasons of over 90 losses.

Hence a housecleaning. Of the 52 players who spent time with the Cubs last season, 26 are gone. Unfortunately, one guy who's gone -- Mark Grace -- was their most consistent hitter, best fielder, and clubhouse leader for 13 years. The Cubs' loss is the Diamondbacks' gain.

Also unfortunately, the housecleaning that should have taken place didn't. Andy MacFAIL is still the GM. Looking at the players newly acquired for this season, I'm reminded of the opening scene in the film, "Major League", when the widow of the deceased Cleveland Indians owner shows up at her first meeting with the ballclub's front office people and hands out a list of players she wants to invite to spring training. As the front office guys look at the list, the dialogue goes something like this:

Indians Exec #1: "I never heard of half these guys, and the ones I have heard of are way past their prime."

Indians Exec #2: "Most of these guys never had a prime."

With that in mind, here are some of the new guys the Cubs invited to camp this year:

Tom Gordon: A Tommy John surgery survivor projected to be their closer. Which will break first: his curve ball, or his repaired elbow?

Jason Bere: Another Tommy John surgery reclamation project, penciled into the starting rotation. A guy who claims he's finally "learned to pitch." Gee, it's about time.

Todd Hundley: Son of legendary Cubs catcher, Randy Hundley, and a perfect fit for the Cubs -- 10 years ago -- when he was young and healthy. Now, he's just another post-surgical reclamation project, at catcher.

Ron Coomer: One half of the platoon that's supposed to replace Mark Grace at first. Coomer was an okay player with the Twins. But is "okay" really good enough? Apparently for the Cubs' brass, it is.

Matt Stairs: The other half of the new first base platoon. Do we really want a guy at first who's shorter, fatter, balder, and slower than most Cubs fans?

Julian Tavares: A free agent starter whose major attraction is that he pitched a gem last year -- against the Cubs.

Bill Mueller: A light hitting, switch hitting third baseman who is definitely not the second coming of Ron Santo.

Here are some of the returning Cubs:

Jon Lieber: A horse that'll give you 200-plus innings. He dominates right-handed hitters. Unfortunately, left-handed hitters also bat in the National League.

Kerry Wood: A year removed from Tommy John surgery, he's lost nothing in the way of velocity. He just loses command of his pitches now and then and can't find home plate.

Eric Young: A prototypical lead-off guy. He got on base a lot last year. Unfortunately, no one in the line-up was capable of driving him home. Nothing's changed this year.

Ricky Gutierrez: A solid, if unspectacular shortstop with a pretty good bat, but weak hamstrings.

Damon Buford: An all-field, no-hit center fielder. Unfortunately, the National League doesn't allow for Designated Fielders.

Rondell White: A tremendous talent, everyone says, when he's healthy, which he never is.

Sammy Sosa: (At least for now). He claims that this year, "this is HIS team." Really, Sammy. Did you buy out the Tribune Company? Or did you simply go to Wall Street and float an IPO for your ego?

Bottom line: If everyone stays healthy and plays up to his potential the Cubs could get as far as....... .500. Whooppeeee!!!! Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, has come up with his annual rhyming slogan for this season: "We'll have more fun in 2001." Right. That's because Ernie doesn't intend to be at Wrigley Field much. However, all will not be lost. The Cubs will still have guest celebrities leading the faithful in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" during the 7th inning stretch. They offered that "honor" to President George W. Bush. If he accepts, the only concern on the Cubs' part is whether the President can figure out which inning is the 7th. We shall see.